Intermission

Indian cineplexes know that we have busy lives. That’s why they include a 20-25 minute intermission during all Bollywood movies.

Aside from stocking up on snacks and taking a bathroom break, there are many productive ways to make the most of this break:

Watch the ads
Watching the intermission ads is the best way to bask in the glory of your upper-class status. Aside from ads about Manyavar and Healthy Instant Noodles, INOX theaters will show slides that duly remind you that 86 percent of moviegoers have debit cards and a little less than 50 percent own cars. Wow! What a privilege to be in such an audience.

Take a power nap
Bollywood movies have complicated storylines–you’ll need the extra sleep to help you stay focused for the remainder of the movie.

Watch TV
Nothing more productive than kicking back and watching an episode of your favorite T.V. show. The Office, Friends, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and Scrubs are all great options. The episodes of these shows are conveniently 20-25 minutes long.

Learn Calculus
Teach yourself how to define derivatives as limits with this Khan Academy video. Don’t worry–it’s only a little over 15 minutes long, so you’ll still have 5 minutes remaining to review what you learned before the movie starts again.

Practice the Indian national anthem
All moviegoers in India are required to stand for the Indian national anthem before the start of any movie. Singing Jana Gana Mana at the movies is the glue that binds the nation together. Without it, the country would be in complete disarray. If you sing with enough gusto…who knows? Maybe this could be your big musical debut.

Exercise
Did you consume too many carbs during the first half of the movie? No worries. Intermission is the perfect time to do a 20-minute Zumba workout.

Run some errands
Use your spare time to get your eyebrows done, drop off your watch for repairing, or pick up a few items from the clearance sale downstairs.

Can you think of any other activities or tasks that can be done in 25 minutes or less? Comment below! You’ll help billions of moviegoers have a more productive experience.

#WhatsApp #Worship

One in three smartphone users in India run out of space on their phones daily. The answer? Two words. “Good Morning!”
–Newley Purnell, The Wall Street Journal

The Book of WhatsApp is an ever-growing holy text. Each day, new squares of wisdom fall from the cyber heavens to enlighten smartphones across the world.

Those who follow the teachings of the Book begin each day with the morning call to prayer:

Good Morning Squares
If you are blessed, you may be lucky enough to be graced by the presence of an angel:

Angels

Listening to these prayers resonate throughout your chat groups–is there any sweeter sound? I think not. However, one must always remember that the religion of WhatsApp_Ism is not merely about taking–it’s about giving. As the Book states: “He who wishes a Good Morning upon others welcomes a Good Morning unto himself” (4:26 PM).

So next time you hear the prayer, sing one in return. And sing “Good Morning” to all. True followers of WhatsApp_Ism tap the “Forward” button selflessly, sending Good Morning prayers to friends, colleagues, and strangers alike.

According to Verse 11 of the Book, “He who forwards messages without thinking is the most generous of us all” (11:59 AM). Following this advice is essential to promoting the well-being of society. The squares on happiness, work ethic, and relationships are especially important to spread. They contain profound wisdom and a degree of erudition that is often difficult to come by these days.

Advice

Advice

The squares have an impact that lasts for days, sometimes weeks. It’s often only in the middle of the night–after hours of thought and meditation–that I am able to fully grasp the meaning embedded in each one.

Certain messages are meant for specific people. These can be saved in Google Prayer Box 1.2, a digital storage space reserved for the followers of WhatsApp_Ism. You can then extract them and send them to friends/relatives when appropriate.

People-Specific

Others are meant to correct overconfidence. This concept is captured in one of the most poetic verses of the Book: “If thou wakest in joy and peace, I urge thee to reawaken in the tender light of my passive-aggressive tiles. Thou shall learn humility by remembering thy weaknesses and sloth” (8:33 PM).

Passive-Aggressive

Morning prayers aside, you’ll also find that The Book of WhatsApp is a source of scientific wisdom:

Science

And that it promotes racial equality:

Racial Equality

WhatsApp_Ism is a crowdsourced religion and is growing as we speak. We welcome people from all faiths to join. And don’t worry–messages are secured with end-to-end encryption, so no one can interfere with your connection to the holy spirit.

I hope this post has filled your heart with joy and blessings. You are a beautiful person.
Good morning.